Spree

I came to them willingly. Ready to offer myself to whatever deity they claim as their salvation. I entered their circle with perfect trust, no ties to the outside world. I bid my farewell to the few who knew me long before I stepped foot at their doorstep. There was nothing for me in this world. Nothing but constant disappointments and false hope. I could no longer bare the weight of despair. My longing to break free from my prison led me to them. They found me at the right time, in the right place.

They welcomed me with open arms. Sheltered me from the cold. Fed me until I could no more and clothed me in fine silk. They showered me with lavish privileges I could only dream of. They opened a whole new world for me to indulge. They adopted me as their own with no prejudice. Only they could see right through me. I could not hide the heaviness I carried from them. They wanted nothing more than to end my suffering. They delivered what I prayed to God every night. I need only to ask.

And so I came to them willingly. Ready to set sail on my eternal journey to the abyss. I was ready to go gentle into that goodnight. This world had nothing more to offer me, nothing good at least. For far too long did I tolerate vile and unholiness of the world. I could no longer fake another smile. Greet ungrateful energies, let alone shake their hand. I was sick of the world and the beings it produced. I was mad at God for bringing me bad energies and cruel people. Night after night I asked, “Why must you bring me these kind of children?”

“When will my tribe find me?” I asked and I prayed but God remained silent. Year after year I stood watching dreams come true. All but my own. Night after night, I lay in bed asking until I found myself empty and hollow. I sat in the dark with a blade to my skin. It’s tip dug into my flesh but no blood poured. I lacked courage but the will was there. Calling every night. Begging to cross that bridge. Yearning to be free from the torment my mind clung to year after year. In the depths of my despair, they found me.

They need not say a word for they knew. They could read my mind, feel the pain in my eyes. They embraced me, not because I was broken but because I was one of them; returning home from a long journey. They need not doubt my decision or distract me from making another. They simply prepared the feast for the celebration we would soon partake. Together we prepared ourselves to meet with God. We dined, we praised. We rejoiced in the daylight. We sang with the birds and the creatures of the forest.

I sat beside our Father, our brothers and sisters before us. Our God stood above us all, watching. We ate and danced. Our song echoed in the trees. We celebrated not my death but my union back to the source. I was ready. I am ready to leave the world behind. To enter the abyss. Disperse into tiny pieces of space dust and fuse back with nature. My time could not come any sooner. I looked around me one last time. Felt the warmth emitting from the sun. I took one last breath and whispered, “Goodbye.”

The other side had more to offer than what the physical world has given me. There is more I could do over there than what I can accomplish here on Earth. No beauty held in comparison than what the other side bares. I would know for I had witness it before. They say once you have crossed over (and come back) you’ll never want to leave. Could be why I crave to end the life I was given. Maybe I’m far too gone to be repaired. Only they welcomed me as is. They sought not to change me but to free me.

Thus as night fell, I offered myself to them willingly. With perfect trust I gave myself to God. I stood before my brothers and sisters ready for Father to free me from my body. With an audience from God, Father spoke to us. He spoke of love and freedom. Touched our hearts with kind words and moving metaphors. Together we reminisced of how cruel this world can be and what wonders we can conjure. Father praised my bravery. I closed my eyes one last time and prepared myself to feel Father’s sacred blade on my neck. My time could not come any sooner.

A gentle breeze swooned by us. Echoes in the night rippled all around. With my adopted family before me I waited for Father to do his part. As the moment for my end to come lingered, a slight heaviness weighed on my head. A crown made of gems and crystals sparkled above me. I looked beside me and noticed Father praising. I stood dumbfounded. “Father?” I asked not sure of what to say. Was I not meeting my end tonight? Is this part of the process? I cared not for answers. I simply wanted to not exist.

My brothers and sisters praised along side Father. Their cheers rang like ceremonial bells chiming a new dawn. A new beginning. As twilight broke in the distance Father beamed, “My brave son.” He embraced me tightly. His love everlasting. “We have chosen you to guide, to lead, us to a new chapter. We have elected you as our supreme to be the next heir to this tired world.” I knew nothing of what he spoke. I looked around and suddenly felt surrounded. “For you see,” Father continued, “We will be the awakening.”

“We will blast God’s trumpet throughout the world with the screams of those who remain silent.” Father spoke of a deed I knew nothing about. I wanted to run but I was surrounded. “We will begin his rein by awakening man’s true nature.” Our brothers and sisters praised. Their chants rang like sirens. “We are the cause that ricochets a global awareness. Those who remain, or chose to remain, dormant will no longer have a shadow to seek shelter. This world has been asleep for far too long.” Father paused, “No more!”

“Out from the ashes,” Father now addressed me, “We rise with you as our supreme.”

“Have you deceived me Father?” I asked. “Am I to prolong my death once more? Am I to continue this agony?” My eyes swelled with tears. I was ready. I am ready. “I don’t want to be a part of no one’s agenda. Not Gods, not Satan. I just want to disappear into the abyss and never exist.” I backed away but Father held my hand. He was gentle and kind and caring. My brothers and sisters continued their praise. Their hands stretched into the heavens. Their choir expanding into the universe.

“I would never deceive you my son.” Father answered. “I have come to know your heart and your mind. Your spirit and your divine.” He held me in his arms. “You have been blessed beyond our understanding. It is you we have prayed for. You are everything we ever wanted and more. God has delivered us our prayer in you, my boy. That is why we unanimously elected you to lead our brigade.” We were now face to face. “You will lead us all into a brave new world.” We stood before our brothers and sisters praising the heavens and the hell we were to unleash.

Unbeknownst to me, I was crowned a leader to people I never knew existed. Beyond my brothers and sisters, I were to rule a world prime for harvest. Strangers far and wide would come to me for advise. Seek my presence and value my every word. I’m not sure what exactly Father saw in me but for some reason I was everything they were missing. All along I thought I found a cult willing to accept me as their sacrifice to please their deity. Here I was thinking my newly found family would be so eager to send me off as a gift to their God. How foolish of me to think escaping the human experience would be easy.

I wanted to return their wonderful gifts. To respectfully decline their offer but how could I? As much as I tried I could not say no. My fate was sealed the moment I stepped foot at their doorstep. I wanted a meaningful way out and in return I was given the role of a supreme. I reminisced the countless nights I spent with Father and how I expressed my longing to not exist. The endless conversations we had now seemed like a setup. I blushed as I remembered how I overshared my thoughts to Father thinking he understood me.

All this time he saw me not as an offering but as a tool for their agenda. As I sat on the throne, I reflected the past seven years I spent with my adopted family. Is that all I ever was to them, a tool? Was I just made to be their scapegoat? Am I just someone they can place all the blame, point to if things go wrong? The crown above me glimmered. My scepter lay diagonal on my lap. My subjects sat before me plotting away their commands given by me. They dressed me in fine silk. Fed me to no end.

They were good to me. I looked around. Am I just another martyr for them to idolize? I pondered, would my origins simply become legends for them to share with their kids, and their kids? I am no leader, no supreme. I am but a body, a vessel, for them to dump their misfortunes on. Oh how I wish their plan to be flawed. Fortunate for them they have me to lead the way. To make sure all their manifestations come to fruition. “I should have been gone by now,” I told myself. Instead, I’m tethered to the very same world I wanted to escape.

Once all the pieces were in place, our plan to awaken the world was in motion. We all play a role and ours is not for the faint of heart. We, agents of chaos, are essential for the development of human progress. Tonight, we will give no more reasons for the rest of the world to remain dormant. Flight or fight. Those are the only option. For far too long have we patiently been expecting people to find the light. We gently asked but to no avail. Thus, we have raised our expectations.

Chaos is the only means to awaken those who remain dormant. Disorder is the only cause that helps us find common sense. Where some flourish in peace, others thrive in hell. As for the rest of us, we simply want to watch the world burn. Never tell people to do what they love because some love to murder. Be wary of who you encourage to follow their passion because to some their passion may lead to hell on earth. No one ever enabled me to lead with my heart. No one ever expected anything from me. Yet here I sat on a throne made of gold and a crown decked in crystals and gems.

In a single night, all hell broke loose. A mass simultaneous murder spree ran rampant on a global scale. Gods trumpet of the apocalypse roared as screams of torture spilled out into the streets. No home was spared from our hands. No law chained us to be obedient. Our members range from civilian to officials. We are the omnipotent. We know all the codes to everyone’s security locks. We know all the blueprints to every panic room. No one is safe. Regardless of wealth or status. The apocalypse, man’s judgment, is our destiny.

“Please don’t do this.” They all begged. One psychotic member relished as he slit the throat of his victim while others bound, watched. “You don’t have to do this!” They implored. We said nothing for we as a society had over a thousand years of words to say. Now is a time for action. Our psychotic member stood before his next victim. He locked his victims head between his thigh and forced open their left eye. A small bottle of industrial glue he held in his hand hovered inches away from his victims eye. “Please!” They screamed, “Don’t,” as he squeezed the bottle.